Last Thing I Needed

Woke up feeling lousy
So I poured myself a shot.
It was the last thing I needed
But the first thing I got

I always try to remember
Never to forget
That the last thing I need
Will be the first thing I get

I try to stay out of trouble
Ever since I got caught.
You were the last thing I needed
But the first thing I got

Life is ironic.
You know you can bet
That the last thing you need
Will be the first thing you get

Just Goin' Through the Motions

I'm somewhere in the air
    I'm not really here

My head's up in a cloud
    There's no one else allowed

My spirit's lost in outer space
    Such a lonely, lovely place

But gravity keeps on draggin’ me down
Sir Isaac had a great notion:
Bodies attract, based on mass,
And I'm just goin’ through the motions
There's no escaping Newton's laws
So I'm just goin through the motions

Burned all my bridges

I burned all my bridges
Yes, that’s a fact
I burned all my bridges
Now I can’t go back

I burned all my bridges
I can’t swim at all
I can’t butterfly
Or Australian crawl

If you burn all your bridges
Gotta go to higher ground
Don’t go near the water
You could fall in and drown

It’s All I Can Do

It’s all I can do, Girl –
Just to walk the straight and narrow.
It takes all my strength
‘Cause I’m not a straight arrow.

I’m bent and I’m twisted.
I’m the bad boy
Your Mama insisted
Would drag you down.

You think your love can save me? Ha!

It’s all I can do, Girl –
Just take my medication.
‘Cause it takes all my strength
To keep the madman at bay.

Damaged in Transit

He was damaged in transit
Well, they really made a fuss
‘Cause he lost his head
On a Greyhound bus

You could be riding in an airplane
Or a German motor car
You will be damaged in transit
Before you get very far

Damaged by your friends and foes
Damaged by your wife
You will be damaged in transit
As you travel through life

Damaged by your family
Or people you don't know
You will be damaged in transit
No matter where you go

Egyptian Mirage

The ladies in Cairo are ululating
Mubarak’s gone to the beach
The Lib-Left press are salivating
Obama’s just made a speech

Thugs behind the pyramids
Serpents in the Nile
The smiling Muslim Brotherhood
Has got its share of guile

You’ve shown the door to Hosni,
But don’t you understand?
There’s not a chance democracy
Can blossom in the sand

Lucky 13

Riding the 13
through North Central,
I look out the window
and see a native girl.

Brown, wild,
living The Life.
Dead soon.
We both know it;
So do you.